Saturday, May 15, 2010

What is she thinking?

My mom is one of those people who really hates going to the doctor. I'm not much better myself... but I do seem to cave a little sooner than she. I've been trying to get her all caught up on her visits and take care of the loose ends she has with her insurance and social security. So yesterday I thought we'd get the Social Security Office out of the way and go right after I dropped the kids at school. I was still a little drowsy from the cold medicine I took the night before, so I missed my turn and had to go several blocks out of the way.

When we finally arrived I was praying for God's favor and grace to get us through this appointment. (My mom isn't the easiest one to take to places like these... she has NO patience.) When we walked in we took a number and had a seat. I was impressed by how few people there were waiting around. Never seen it like this before. I read while we were waiting for her number to be called, and she chatted with me a bit. (Difficult to do in public since she is very hard of hearing.) Then, as if it was a miracle... they called her number. Wow! We had never been called in so quickly. How nice.

We sat down at the window and gave the nice woman who was helping us all of my mother's information. Then it happens. She asks the reason for our visit. Well... you know how prepared I like to be. I quickly pull out the letter that instructs us to be there in the first place. "This is why we're here. The letter said she may be eligible for more benefits." See how easy that was? "Oh... this is from the Welfare Office," she says. Still smiling in disbelief, I say "Oh... I'm at the wrong place! Ok. Thank you. Do you know if we need an appointment? That's ok... I'll call them. Thanks again." My mom says, "So we're all done? That's it? Wow!" Don't even try to explain until we get to the car.

So what was I thinking? I had heard my mom tell me so many times that she needed to go to Social Security that I didn't even bother to double check. Did I see the letter? Of course. I even read it... all the questions about SSI, and benefits. Just didn't dawn on me to read who it was from. I think it's hard for me to admit that my mom isn't the mom I remember growing up with.

She can no longer protect me... it is I who protects her. She can no longer provide for me... it is I who provides for her. She can't hear very well, can't see very well, and even when we do talk, I'm not always sure she understands. She doesn't know how to manage her money or her health. She is in pain almost daily, but refuses to stop and rest. She wants to keep her independence. That's all she has left. And so the struggle begins.

What am I supposed to control for her, and when do I begin? This is one of the hardest things I've had to do. How can I? It really scared me a few days ago when she was telling me the horrible things the doctor had said about her foot last week. The thing is... I was there. I was in the room with her. The doctor didn't say any of those things. I had relayed to her what was said because she can't hear the doctor. But she took what I said and magnified it 1000x's. It breaks my heart. For now, I will keep praying that God shows me what to do and when. And that He gives her a sound mind and clear thinking.

Would you keep her in your prayers as well? I would appreciate it.
Thanks and God bless!

Mary Ann :)

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