Humor Me... A Leopard, A Monkey, and A Dog Named Killer

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

Another great email story....

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly dog named Killer, along for the company.

My dog Tabu... playing the part of "Killer".

One day the old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"

 

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says... "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Wisdom and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Humor Me... Say What?

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

 

My uncle sent me this picture in an email. Cracks me up!

Must be because the years are going by so fast.... I can relate more and more each day.  Just have to laugh! :)

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Humor Me... Things My Mother Taught Me

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

 

Yes... Mother's Day has past. But you never seem to forget the things your mother told you. They stay with you for a long time. Have you noticed?

This is a poem my pastor read to us on Mother's Day. Just for a laugh. I thought they were pretty funny. Not sure if it's because I've heard them before... or said them myself. Must be one of those reasons. You may find some of these sayings a little familiar yourself. :)


Things My Mother Taught Me...
by unknown

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
     "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning the house!"
 

My mother taught me RELIGION -
     "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
     "If you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
     "Because I said so, that's why."
 

My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 -
     "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
     "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
     "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
     "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
     "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
     "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
     "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
     "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
     "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
     "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
     "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
     "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

 My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -

     "Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
     "You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
     "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
     "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me HUMOR -
     "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
     "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
     "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
     "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
     "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
     "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Thanks for reading and God bless!

Mary Ann :)

Humor Me... How I Learned To Mind My Own Business

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22



Quite often my Dad will send me jokes in my email. Mostly just forwarded, but always funny... and some just laugh-out-loud funny. I'll usually tell them to a family member or two and then I thought... "I should start sharing some on my blog!"  We all need a laugh from time to time. Don't you think?

So... from now on, whenever I share a joke or funny story, it will have the title "Humor Me...". That way you'll know right off if it's something you want to click on. Ok?

This first one I read last Sunday after church. I don't know if I was in a wierd mood or what, but I just laughed for the longest time. Especially since my 10-year-old didn't quite get it at first and thought I was laughing at him! :)

How I learned to mind my own business...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were shouting,
'13....13....13.'

  

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
what was going on......

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!!!

Then they all started shouting,
'14....14....14.'

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)