Humor Me... A Leopard, A Monkey, and A Dog Named Killer

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

Another great email story....

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly dog named Killer, along for the company.

My dog Tabu... playing the part of "Killer".

One day the old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"

 

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says... "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Wisdom and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Humor Me... Say What?

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

 

My uncle sent me this picture in an email. Cracks me up!

Must be because the years are going by so fast.... I can relate more and more each day.  Just have to laugh! :)

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Humor Me... Things My Mother Taught Me

Humor Me...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." ~Proverbs 17:22

 

Yes... Mother's Day has past. But you never seem to forget the things your mother told you. They stay with you for a long time. Have you noticed?

This is a poem my pastor read to us on Mother's Day. Just for a laugh. I thought they were pretty funny. Not sure if it's because I've heard them before... or said them myself. Must be one of those reasons. You may find some of these sayings a little familiar yourself. :)


Things My Mother Taught Me...
by unknown

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
     "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning the house!"
 

My mother taught me RELIGION -
     "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
     "If you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
     "Because I said so, that's why."
 

My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 -
     "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
     "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
     "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
     "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
     "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
     "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
     "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
     "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
     "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
     "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
     "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
     "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

 My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -

     "Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
     "You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
     "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
     "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me HUMOR -
     "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
     "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
     "You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
     "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
     "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
     "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Hahaha...                              Hahaha.....

            Hahaha..... :)

Thanks for reading and God bless!

Mary Ann :)

Tagged... I'm It.

I was recently tagged by Mary on her beautiful blog, Mary's Heart, to answer the following questions. Tough ones at that... I actually had to think. :)

1. Why do you blog?

I blog because I love to write. Share my thoughts. I want to help people, and mostly... I want to be used by God and share what He has taught me and what He has done in my life. (A work in progress...)

2. What traits should a church look for in a pastor?

Well, if I were choosing a pastor, I think I'd be looking for someone who is faithful and honest... someone who will teach the Word of God with no apologies and no watering down the truth... weather I like it or not. Someone who has a thankful and compassionate heart so he can show mercy and grace to others.

3. Do you believe in Global Warming?

No. Here's a great article Why I Don't Believe In Man-Made Global Warming. And that's my best answer.

4. Do you think health food people are any healthier than other people?

No. I've known vegetarians who are sick often and I've known people who eat only 'organic' foods and take many vitamins who still get sick and have physical problems. I haven't really seen any difference. I believe all things in moderation.

5. Do you believe in the Rapture? If yes, do you think it will be soon?

Yes. I pray it will be soon. I keep thinking "How much worse can it get?" But I'm sure every generation before me thought the same thing. It's all in God's timing. We just need to 'watch and pray'.

6. Do you like to watch any TV preachers?

I don't watch any one on a regular basis, but I do enjoy hearing Charles Stanley and Chuck Swindoll (he's on the radio, does that count?). I think they are great Bible teachers. I also enjoy Joyce Meyer for her teaching Christians how to 'grow up' in the Lord. And I like Joel Osteen... although I believe his gift to be more of an encourager than a biblical teacher.

7. Do you go for yearly check-ups at the doctor and dentist?

No. Trying to get into the habit now that I'm getting older. I've always made sure to keep up with the kids appointments though.

8. Do you like to talk to friends on the telephone or would you rather write or e-mail?

I like to talk on the phone... it just seems that I'm always pressed for time. Get me on the phone and I'm likely to be on for an hour. (Love adult conversation!) But mostly it seems I just send a quick email or facebook message after the kids go to sleep.

Thanks Mary... this was a challenge! But a fun challenge! :)

Please visit Mary's blog...  Mary's Heart. It's a beautiful blog that I'm sure you'll enjoy as she share her heart with you.

God bless!
Mary Ann :)