I can't believe how fast this summer is flying by. Day after day seems to be filled with activities. Not exactly the ones that I need to be doing... like laundry, vacuuming, bill paying... no, I have become the 'entertainment director' of some sorts. It's not a bad job, I enjoy hanging out with the kids. Playing games, going to a movie or going for a walk is just fine with me. I've even had time to read! (The reason for so many book reviews on my blog!) I just can't help feeling guilty for not doing the housework.
No... I take that back. Maybe it's a different kind of guilt. It's when I look around the house or go to make dinner and see we don't have anything to make, that I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty. Should I feel guilty? I mean.... everyone in my house is over 18 except for Baby Boy (11), and Baby Girl (7). And they are pretty self-sufficient. There really isn't anyone who needs me to do much for them.
We do hit up the dollar menus more than I'd like, but it's nice to be out of the house and not 'tied' to it. I use to be on top of everything... the bills, the shopping, the laundry. I could tell you where anything was in the house. Now, it's anyone's guess. I sometimes wish I could 'do it all' like I used to. But it just doesn't feel the same. It was a full-time job then. With overtime! 24/7. I enjoyed it. It's what I did... what I had to do. I don't want to do that anymore. I enjoy spending my time with the people in my life rather than just taking care of the 'things' and 'to do's'.
Don't get me wrong. I do take care of the house and family. I feed the kids and do the laundry... blah, blah, blah. Just not as detailed or punctual... and not nearly as organized as I used to. But now we have time to do other things. Even relaxing is new to me. I'm beginning to enjoy it! Although, I do realize I need to have balance in my life. I used to live by lists that had to be completed each day. I wanted a clean and organized home. I realize now that I just didn't need it to be perfect. Now I'm on the flip-side. I want to enjoy life... but I don't want to be lazy or have no purpose or motivation.
For now, I'll just enjoy the summer while my kids are still young enough to want to hang out with me. My kids are going up fast and they won't always be kids, but my 'things' and 'to-do's'... they aren't going anywhere. Believe me... I've tried to catch up on them for years and they're still here... 'to-do'.